Surprise and the Underestimated
Phone calls to home
A few years ago, a group of high school students collaborated with One in Five to design a training for peer-to-peer supporters. As a part of the process, I interviewed families of some high school students. Despite all the interviews I’ve conducted in my adult life, I felt very nervous before these phone calls.
Each family member answered on the first try, which alone surprised me, as throughout my career in education, I experienced less ease in correspondence. They all sighed audibly when I mentioned the school—I think they presumed I was calling “from the school.” A call “from the school” carries negative connotations, unfortunately familiar for these families.
The school context
The students who designed the program attend an alternative school in an area where social determinants of health are pushed and pressure-tested due to increasing crime and access to healthy food and healthcare. The school district consistently ranks as one of the most diverse in the state and across the United States. If you are unfamiliar with alternative schools in the United States, they are often the last stop for students in the public school system, their last opportunity to retain student status in a particular school district.
The reasons for students' placement in alternative schools vary widely. Generally, though, the traditional schools from which the students came served them poorly, and students struggled to thrive there. Each of the students with whom I am working has some history of mental health challenges and/or disability.
Alternative schools can provide struggling students a respite, a caring and attentive environment where they can heal. I love the alternative school where the students with whom I work attend.
Families' surprise
Back to the families. I began each call with a brief explanation of the project and expressed my excitement that their child indicated interest in co-designing a peer-to-peer support training. Then I asked, “What questions do you have for me to start?” Each family replied, if not verbatim, a version of “I am surprised that you selected my child for this program. I mean, with all of the troubles they’re having…”
Before we get all upset with the families’ responses, I will tell you that they spoke very lovingly and hopefully for their children. Each family named specific positive attributes of their children.
So, what explains their surprise?
A plummet in expectations
This question lies at the crux of what motivates me to do my work. What bothered me the most about my return to school from hospitalization for a mental health crisis, more than changes in my friendships, was that expectations of me plummeted. No more encouragement to explore meaty challenges in Human Geography, no longer did my Algebra teacher notice my presence, and no longer did the adults at school ask about my future academic or career desires.
Nearly 20 years passed before I could articulate why the expectations crash bothered me so much. I now recognize what I believe is universal in humans: Everyone wants to feel like they belong and have something to contribute. Everyone wants to feel that others believe in them.
Imagine capability
I also noticed this sentiment in my middle school students. I noticed this in Ernesto. While his mental health struggles manifested differently than mine, I recognized his impulsive behaviors for what they were. Ernesto (and everyone) in the room needed to believe and feel that I held high expectations of them. Ernesto begged for this when he climbed on top of and ran across desks. When Ernesto screamed inconsolably, I recognized the behavior as a struggle for support and a place in the world.
Most people don’t expect students with mental health conditions who attend an alternative school to design and create a program that involves them training their peers to become peer supporters. Much less one that is taken seriously by adults.
I wish to change this phenomenon. I believe every person has valuable and amazing gifts to offer the world. And I believe we (collectively) fail to expect valuable and amazing offerings from a lot of people.
"The Underestimated"
Entrepreneur Arlen Hamilton calls this group of people “The Underestimated.” She also makes a compelling case for why being underestimated can be one’s greatest advantage. People like and reward surprise. All of the students with whom I’m working fall into the group Hamilton named “underestimated.” And save for a few exceptions, they are underestimated, even by their families who love them.
Mental Health America (MHA) published a report, “Young People’s Mental Health in 2020: Hope, Advocacy, and Action for the Future”. MHA generated the report from surveys conducted with almost 2,000 14-24 year-olds. Several threads weave through the data, showing how much youth want help from and to help their peers with their mental health challenges. 44% of 14-18 year-olds want support from other young people. Yet currently, only one in four believe they can make a difference in mental health in their communities.
What the students said
When I spoke with the students, I asked, “What do you wish people knew about you?” They replied:
“I’m misunderstood. I’m actually quite a caring person. I really care about people and want kids to be safe.”
“I’m a giver, and I’m naturally good with kids. People don’t realize it because of how I look or who I am, but I can steer kids on the right path.”
“I’m not who you expect. I’m better.”
“I can be extra, but young people like my extra. So I can influence them to be good.”
I can’t wait for this group of students to surprise us all.